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The Linz really blew his summer vacation on the beaches in southern Italy. Or was it the banks of the Rio Grande in Juarez?

Anyway, The Great One could have been working on the great American novel, but instead The Tan One was punching out Ritchie "D-2" McKay jokes all summer.

Now, The Linz returns to Albuquerque to learn that somebody over at UNM with a brain finally pulled the plug on D-2 and replaced him with a pretty boy from Indiana.

The Linz's problem?

The Great One can't think of a suitable nickname for Steve Alford and the monikers The Linz tags onto the victims of The Linz's scorn are a staple of The Lindsey Line.

Just look at the perfect handles The Linz has come up with over the years:

Rocky 3rd-And-Long - although after watching Saturday's scrimmage, The Linz is thinking about changing this to Rocky 4th-And-Long.

RudeDog Davalos - although after playing golf with RudeDog this summer, The Linz is thinking about changing this to "Foot Wedge" Davalos.

Marty "Get Shorty" Chavez - although The Linz is thinking about changing this to Marty "Get O'Malley" Chavez.

And other classics: Ralph "Fudge" Chavez, Aaron O-Camp-Out-At-The-Buffet, Doughnut Smith, Phill "Darth Vader" Casaus, Paul "Hee-Haw" Krebs, Bob "Giggles" Clark, Bill "The Martians Are Coming" Richardson. It just doesn't get any funnier than this.

But The Linz can't get a handle on Alford's handle. The Linz can't get Alford's cell phone either.

The Linz has cell numbers for 3rd-And-Long, Hee-Haw Krebs, President Bush, billionaire Joe Maloof, Britney Spears, the doorman at TD's Showclub and several of the city's top bail bondsmen. But The Great One can't get Alford's digits.

The Linz will give you a little background on Alford to help y'all come up with a handle:

Like The Linz, he's a pretty boy. Like Krebs, he's a hayseed from the midwest. Like Doughnut Smith, he has immaculate hair. Like Dave Bliss, his teeth look like a white picket fence. Like Reggie Theus, he is GQ with the threads. Unlike D-2 McKay, he supposedly knows a little bit about basketball.

And Alford doesn't like to give out his phone number - well, except to investment bankers and the AD at Indiana.

Oh, yeah. This column means that The Linz is coming back for yet another "final" season. So, here are The Linz's top five Albuquerque teams going into the 2007 season:

1. Cibola. The Cougars are the best team in the north. Too bad there's a south.

2. La Cueva. The Mallers might actually be able to run up scores on folks again.

3. Highland. The Hive moved to a 21st century offense in 2006 and it paid dividends.

4. Rio Rancho. The Lambs might actually win a big game this year, but probably not in the playoffs.

5. Manzano. Expect Aaron O-Camp-Out-At-The-Buffet to be throwing his weight around this season - well, even more than usual.